Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I’m back!!!!!!!!!!

So, I finally remembered that I have a blog. It’s been almost a year since I’ve written. I think of it now because I’m stressed and need to vent. What has happened in that year? Well, Im glad you asked. Okay, you didn’t but humor me!

I was rereading all the blogs I had done. I guess I could start by updating those. So, I did go to Minneapolis with my sister and the girls. We had a blast. went to Mall of America, saw the giant cherry, went to the Hard Rock Cafe for supper, and did some shopping. I truly enjoyed myself. Even if I did get a $267.00 speeding ticket on the way there. It was fun, worth every dime.
 
JD and I went camping a couple times this summer. Once at St Ambroise, once at The Narrows, and then with Charmaine and her family out at Tulibee Falls in Nopoming Park.  I really love camping. As usual, we had a great time with them. Charmaine has a metal detecter, so we dug up the entire beach one day. What a blast! We found tin foil, a nail, pieces of wire, a piece of chain, and a Loonie. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

Come September, I was rooked into signing up as a “helper” for the Cubs. Bing bang boom, and I’m a uniformed, highly trained leader 2 weeks later. I have about 15 kids in my unit, 1 girl, 12 boys and 2 demon spawn. Those 2 make the evening complete hell. Thye get rowdy, and this sets off all the other boys. It’s not fun. I don’t know how other leaders can handle it, all I can do is plot how to kill them and dispose of the bodies!  I tried being nice, they ignore me. I tried being slightly tougher, they ignore me. I work really hard to find and create a craft that they can do….they throw it in the garbage can in front of me. I’ve just about given up on them. I don’t know what I’ve signed up for, but I agreed to “swim up” with JD next year to the Scouts. my brother is a Scout leader, so it would be the 2 of us working together. Now, I find out that he and his wife are expecting again, so he’ll never be available to help, and I think I’ll get stuck doing everything myself. I’m rethinking that decision.

JD is in the Navy Cadets. I loved Cadets when I was in it many many years ago. the C.O. is Val T., the mother of a girl JD has been going to school with all thru elementary. Val was a cadet too, but a different corps than mine. So, Val tells me that they need parents to help out. That I could also earn stripes and be an officer. So, I thought about it for awhile, and I figured why not. So, I filled out a mountain of papers in November, and the said it would be about 6 weeks. It’s now March, and I still haven’t heard anything. Then we met Val for breakfast one day, and she says that she doesn’t need any more officers, that she has too many already for the amount of kids they have. THEN WHY DID YOU TELL ME TO FILL OUT ALL THE *&^%^*^%$*%$ PAPERWORK TO BECOME AN OFFICER?????????????  Geeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz. I just don’t get it.

Work. Okay, thats another story. Trudy, my coworker got sick with shingles last October. She was away from Oct 9 until Dec 2nd. It was a tough time for me. I was pretty busy trying to keep up with all the day to day stuff, as well as my own things that I have to do. She’s back now, but is still suffering with shingles outbreaks on her arms and back. Now, to top it all off, she just found out the other day that she also has MS. That’s a kicker!  I don’t know much about MS, but I do know that Trudy’s life will definetely change over the next few years. How that will affect work is another question.

Jaxx. She hasn’t changed much. she’s highly stressed. Her own words uttered this morning were “I hate my life. I hate going to work, and I hate coming home.”  I think that about sums it up. What can I say to that? Since I’m a part of her life, I guess I fall in that catagory too. The funny thing is, I hate my life too. I think, if you read this blog, I’ve stated several times that I want something more out of life. I’ve been saying that for years.  Is it normal? You get to your early to mid forties and you start having a mid life crisis? They say men do it. So, should I go out and buy a Corvette? or have an affair with my secretary? well, I can’t afford a Corvette, and I don’t have a secretary, so what do I do? How does one deal with the mid life blues?  How does one (me) deal with someone else’s mid life blues (Jaxx)??  

I suggested to Jaxx that she go talk to a counsellor or someone, just someone to vent to. She used to go see this woman named Val, and she always said she felt better after speaking to her. Now, I bring it up, and she has several reasons why she can’t. I’m pissed! The one thing that she could do to help herself through this tough time, and she refuses. This leaves me & JD & her mom to live with her like that. I don’t think I can go on like this for much longer. I have my own issues to deal with, I can’t take her mood swings too. Poor JD, he’s got 2 fucked up parents. What hope is there for him?

Speaking of JD, we’ve been going thru a bunch of stuff to try to get him into the appropriate middle school. The one that he would naturally dump into is not one that we feel would be good for him. It’s tough, and he is a sensitive kid. Besides, all the bullies who’ve made his life miserable for the past 5 years, are going there. We’d like to give him a fresh start. So, since October last year, we’ve been jumping thru hoops, filling out papers, having JD assessed by the TS clinic, and thru the school board. More papers, more meetings, more assessments. It’s finally all coming to a head. We’ve unofficially heard that he was accepted into the school of our choice, and that they’re just finalizing the bus routes. But, as I said, that’s all unofficial, told to us by a resource teacher.

Now comes the issue of moving. All year, we’ve been saying that our plan was to look into moving this summer, closer to the school for JD. Now, Jaxx is wavering on that. Since most financial issues intimidate me, I’ve always left the major financial decisions to Jaxx. She has a little background in accounting, so she understands things a bit better than I do. So, our plan was to watch the market and see what we might be able to do come spring about moving. She seemed pretty confident that we could pull it off. Now, she seems unsure. Her doubt makes me nervous. Now I don’t know if we should be thinking about moving or not. What if she has a stress breakdown and loses her job? What if she has a stroke or heart attack? I know it’s a weird worry, but the way she’s going, I could see either happenning. She is so tightly wound, it wouldn’t take much to make her snap. She is wound tightly, and has no way to release any tension. She has no hobbies, or friends to cry on their shoulder. She won’t see a counsellor, and I’m of no use to her either. What happens when someone is wound so tight, and the stresses keep piling up and there is no release? You snap! And I’m pretty sure that’s whats going to happen. Sooner or later, she’s going to lose it. It may be when Beau dies. It may be if something should happen to her Mom’s health. It could be her own health that triggers it.  I don’t know, but I’m nervous about it. The last thing we need is to take a new house with a bigger mortgage, and she cracks up and has to stop working. That would really suck. Maybe it’s best to stay here another year. I don’t know. I don’t know about a lot of things……..the thing is, how do I find out the answers to the things I don’t know about? Maybe I need to see someone. Maybe I need the fresh start. Maybe I’m the one who is going to have a breakdown. Maybe, maybe, maybe……………………….

Posted by TM's Journal at 19:21:23

I’m back!!!!!!!!!!

So, I finally remembered that I have a blog. It’s been almost a year since I’ve written. I think of it now because I’m stressed and need to vent. What has happened in that year? Well, Im glad you asked. Okay, you didn’t but humor me!

I was rereading all the blogs I had done. I guess I could start by updating those. So, I did go to Minneapolis with my sister and the girls. We had a blast. went to Mall of America, saw the giant cherry, went to the Hard Rock Cafe for supper, and did some shopping. I truly enjoyed myself. Even if I did get a $267.00 speeding ticket on the way there. It was fun, worth every dime.
 
JD and I went camping a couple times this summer. Once at St Ambroise, once at The Narrows, and then with Charmaine and her family out at Tulibee Falls in Nopoming Park.  I really love camping. As usual, we had a great time with them. Charmaine has a metal detecter, so we dug up the entire beach one day. What a blast! We found tin foil, a nail, pieces of wire, a piece of chain, and a Loonie. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

Come September, I was rooked into signing up as a “helper” for the Cubs. Bing bang boom, and I’m a uniformed, highly trained leader 2 weeks later. I have about 15 kids in my unit, 1 girl, 12 boys and 2 demon spawn. Those 2 make the evening complete hell. Thye get rowdy, and this sets off all the other boys. It’s not fun. I don’t know how other leaders can handle it, all I can do is plot how to kill them and dispose of the bodies!  I tried being nice, they ignore me. I tried being slightly tougher, they ignore me. I work really hard to find and create a craft that they can do….they throw it in the garbage can in front of me. I’ve just about given up on them. I don’t know what I’ve signed up for, but I agreed to “swim up” with JD next year to the Scouts. my brother is a Scout leader, so it would be the 2 of us working together. Now, I find out that he and his wife are expecting again, so he’ll never be available to help, and I think I’ll get stuck doing everything myself. I’m rethinking that decision.

JD is in the Navy Cadets. I loved Cadets when I was in it many many years ago. the C.O. is Val T., the mother of a girl JD has been going to school with all thru elementary. Val was a cadet too, but a different corps than mine. So, Val tells me that they need parents to help out. That I could also earn stripes and be an officer. So, I thought about it for awhile, and I figured why not. So, I filled out a mountain of papers in November, and the said it would be about 6 weeks. It’s now March, and I still haven’t heard anything. Then we met Val for breakfast one day, and she says that she doesn’t need any more officers, that she has too many already for the amount of kids they have. THEN WHY DID YOU TELL ME TO FILL OUT ALL THE *&^%^*^%$*%$ PAPERWORK TO BECOME AN OFFICER?????????????  Geeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz. I just don’t get it.

Work. Okay, thats another story. Trudy, my coworker got sick with shingles last October. She was away from Oct 9 until Dec 2nd. It was a tough time for me. I was pretty busy trying to keep up with all the day to day stuff, as well as my own things that I have to do. She’s back now, but is still suffering with shingles outbreaks on her arms and back. Now, to top it all off, she just found out the other day that she also has MS. That’s a kicker!  I don’t know much about MS, but I do know that Trudy’s life will definetely change over the next few years. How that will affect work is another question.

Jaxx. She hasn’t changed much. she’s highly stressed. Her own words uttered this morning were “I hate my life. I hate going to work, and I hate coming home.”  I think that about sums it up. What can I say to that? Since I’m a part of her life, I guess I fall in that catagory too. The funny thing is, I hate my life too. I think, if you read this blog, I’ve stated several times that I want something more out of life. I’ve been saying that for years.  Is it normal? You get to your early to mid forties and you start having a mid life crisis? They say men do it. So, should I go out and buy a Corvette? or have an affair with my secretary? well, I can’t afford a Corvette, and I don’t have a secretary, so what do I do? How does one deal with the mid life blues?  How does one (me) deal with someone else’s mid life blues (Jaxx)??  

I suggested to Jaxx that she go talk to a counsellor or someone, just someone to vent to. She used to go see this woman named Val, and she always said she felt better after speaking to her. Now, I bring it up, and she has several reasons why she can’t. I’m pissed! The one thing that she could do to help herself through this tough time, and she refuses. This leaves me & JD & her mom to live with her like that. I don’t think I can go on like this for much longer. I have my own issues to deal with, I can’t take her mood swings too. Poor JD, he’s got 2 fucked up parents. What hope is there for him?

Speaking of JD, we’ve been going thru a bunch of stuff to try to get him into the appropriate middle school. The one that he would naturally dump into is not one that we feel would be good for him. It’s tough, and he is a sensitive kid. Besides, all the bullies who’ve made his life miserable for the past 5 years, are going there. We’d like to give him a fresh start. So, since October last year, we’ve been jumping thru hoops, filling out papers, having JD assessed by the TS clinic, and thru the school board. More papers, more meetings, more assessments. It’s finally all coming to a head. We’ve unofficially heard that he was accepted into the school of our choice, and that they’re just finalizing the bus routes. But, as I said, that’s all unofficial, told to us by a resource teacher.

Now comes the issue of moving. All year, we’ve been saying that our plan was to look into moving this summer, closer to the school for JD. Now, Jaxx is wavering on that. Since most financial issues intimidate me, I’ve always left the major financial decisions to Jaxx. She has a little background in accounting, so she understands things a bit better than I do. So, our plan was to watch the market and see what we might be able to do come spring about moving. She seemed pretty confident that we could pull it off. Now, she seems unsure. Her doubt makes me nervous. Now I don’t know if we should be thinking about moving or not. What if she has a stress breakdown and loses her job? What if she has a stroke or heart attack? I know it’s a weird worry, but the way she’s going, I could see either happenning. She is so tightly wound, it wouldn’t take much to make her snap. She is wound tightly, and has no way to release any tension. She has no hobbies, or friends to cry on their shoulder. She won’t see a counsellor, and I’m of no use to her either. What happens when someone is wound so tight, and the stresses keep piling up and there is no release? You snap! And I’m pretty sure that’s whats going to happen. Sooner or later, she’s going to lose it. It may be when Beau dies. It may be if something should happen to her Mom’s health. It could be her own health that triggers it.  I don’t know, but I’m nervous about it. The last thing we need is to take a new house with a bigger mortgage, and she cracks up and has to stop working. That would really suck. Maybe it’s best to stay here another year. I don’t know. I don’t know about a lot of things……..the thing is, how do I find out the answers to the things I don’t know about? Maybe I need to see someone. Maybe I need the fresh start. Maybe I’m the one who is going to have a breakdown. Maybe, maybe, maybe……………………….

Posted by TM's Journal at 19:21:15
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