Spring is in the air
Let’s see…..what has happenned since Xmas…………. We had New Years! Nothing big, quiet night at home. February was JD’s 10th birthday. We bought tickets to the Monster truck Jam, and took him and Nathan (J’s cousin’s kid) to see it. I have to admit, it was fun….for the first few minutes, then it became repetitious. It was very loud, and the exhaust hurt your throat by the end of the night. The kids loved it though.
March, hmmmm, I guess March hasn’t been all that eventful. We had Jaxx’s birthday, then her Mom’s, my neice, and my brother’s was yesterday. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.
I guess the only big thing I’m excited about right now is that I’ve been researching my Mom’s roots. She didn’t know anything after her Grandmother, and even what she knew about her Grandmother was sketchy. Through digging, I found extra great Aunts & Uncles she never knew she had. It reads like a soap opera. There is divorce, unexplained name changes, “shady” characters, and even a murder/suicide! Throw in a prostitution, a politician and some unexplained money, and you’ve got the plot of a bestseller!
I’m waiting for spring. I want to spend every weekend camping this summer. I don’t care if it’s not very far, or just for a weekend. I NEED to have some fun, and I love camping. Since Jaxx doesn’t like camping, I’m just as happy to take JD and go. So far, he has demonstrated a like for camping, what little he has done of it.
I want to be by water, it peaces me out. I love water. I can sit and look at it, dangle my feet in it, float on it and just feel the stress leave my body. I enjoy the breeze, going for a dip if it’s hot, doing some fishing. I know Jaxx doesn’t understand that. I truly believe that she doesn’t know how to relax. Is it any wonder she feels stressed, by her own admition. Her body never gets a break. She can’t even sit still for 2 hours to enjoy a movie. There is always something she has to do, or build, or clean, or fix. She is one of those types who always has to be moving. I’m not. Her Mom is like her, so they get up at the crack of dawn on a saturday to start doing yard work. I’m pretty sure her Mom thinks I’m lazy, but I don’t really care. I don’t live to please her. My lazy ass keeps a roof over her head, supplies her with smokes when she runs out of money,drives her when she has to go someplace different like a doctor’s clinic, so she can think what she likes. I just ignore the stares. Jaxx once told me that when we were thinking of adopting JD, she asked Jaxx if she was sure she really wanted to do it, because she said words to the effect that “You’ll have to do everything.”
I’ve never forgotten or forgiven her for that remark. I feel I’ve been a good parent too. I’ve learned, and given up just as much as Jaxx has for JD. Maybe more.
I’ve attended every class, seminar, meeting etc that Jaxx has attended to learn how to be a good parent to a child with needs. I think I’m just as much of a parent as Jaxx is. Jaxx & I are different individuals, and were raised differently. Therefore, we parent differently. I don’t think that makes one better than the other. JD has attached to Jaxx as the mom he runs to when he scrapes a knee, or needs a hug. He desperately doesn’t want to displease her. When I’m with him, and something good happens, the first thing he says is “Can I phone J-Mom and tell her?” Sure it hurts a little, he has a parent right here who’d like to share the moment with him, but he wants to call the other parent. I understand his relationship with her.
I am more laid back, I don’t baby him if he gets a boo boo on his knee knee. I tell him to buck up, it’s just a scrape. I’m the one who he climbs on and wrestles with, goes camping with, plays video games with, shoots baskets with, plays street hockey with and goes fishing with. I can also be the disciplinarian when I need to. Two totally different roles, but together I like to believe we give the kid everything he needs. If J’s Mom thinks that I’m not towing the line, then fuck her. From what I hear, she wasn’t the greatest Mom either, so who is she to criticize me? I’m not going to waste my life worrying about what she thinks.
Life is just too short.
I’ve started feeling older, and thinking about my future, which means getting older. I’m 45 this summer. I have 20 years (give or take) until retirement. Luckily, my job is not a physical one, so I should be able to do it until I retire. At least that’s my hope. I don’t want to be 50+ and have to start looking for a new job.But I’m scared of getting old. I want to be a spry, active senior, not one confined to a wheelchair. But, with how my back is, and various other health issues I’m dealing with (diabetes) I’m afraid that I will have no choice but to lead a sedentary seniorhood. So, I figure I’ve got a few good years left, I want to enjoy them. Again, I’m limited fianancially as to what I’m able to do. I want to do some traveling(I’d still like to meet Niki in England some day) I want to go river rapid water rafting, I want to do alot more fishing. I’m seriously thinking of becoming involved with the scouts because then I could go on their trips and have some fun with them.
Either way, I want to make myself do some fun things this summer. I have such high hopes. I have a tentative trip to Minneapolis planned with my sister for April. We also have a plan to go camping agian together this summer. And on the weekends when I can, I want to go camping. I want to try some of the Whiteshell area campsites. I’ve heard some of them are really beautiful. And the fishing is usually pretty good in the whiteshell. I know that Jaxx’s first arguement will be “what about the bears?!?” I figure millions of people camp every year in the Whiteshell area. Yes, there are reports of some incidents, but as long as you’re a smart camper and obey the rules the game wardens tell you, lesses your chances at something bad happenning. I’m not going to live my life saying ”I never did something because what if….” She can stay at home. I’ll take my chances.
I need more in my life that working all week, running JD to every activity that he or Jaxx feels he should be involved in,then working at home on “projects” every weekend. (See earlier blogs to read about projects) Jaxx always says to me, “Take a course, look at the leisure guide.” When would I have a chance to take a course? Between Swimming (Tuesdays), Scouts (Weds), soon to be Sea Cadets(Fridays), baseball (either Mon & Weds or Tues & Thurs) which I didn’t want him to play this year, but J did, (so you see who wins the arguements in our house) soon to be a chess club(Saturday afternoons), Ukrainian dancing (Saturday mornings), and Lord knows what else he’ll decide he wants to do, I can’t sign up for a course. What night will I be free?? Sunday is about the only day! And I don’t think too many courses are being offered for Sundays. But this is the way she is able to deflect it back at me. It’s all my fault I’m unhappy. I could change it myself if I took a course. Yeah, sure. Whatever.
Anyway, I’m starting to depress myself. It’s kind of a good thing that nobody reads these blogs anyway. They’re depressing. I just bitch and rant. But somehow, it makes me feel better. Maybe I should take up jounalling??? Duh, that’s what blogging is!!!
Till next time.
